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anasourousrexia
04 October 2011 @ 09:25 pm
I haven't been on here for about three years. I have been doing really great. I am totally less psycho and depressed and shit but I have gained so much god damn weight. I am back to just below my highest weight.....HW is 150. I am now 144. SAD FACE! i am officially setting a goal of 125. but ya i have been dating a guy for a little over a yr and a half...im so comfy with him i think thats why ive gained.
i will post pics soon :)
 
 
anasourousrexia
23 November 2009 @ 08:20 pm
The Postal Service-Such Great Heights

I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
True, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
That frankly will not fly. you will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home



Incubus-Here in my Room

This party is old and uninviting.
Participants all in black and white.
You enter in full-blown technicolor.
Nothing is the same after tonight.

If the world would fall apart
In a fiction-worthy wind,
I wouldn't change a thing now that you're here.

Your love is a verb
Here in my room.
Here in my room.
Here in my room.
Your love is a verb
Here in my room.
Here in my room.
Here in my room.

You enter and close the door behind you.
Now show me the world as seen from the stars.
If only the lights would dim a little,
I'm wary of eyes upon my scars.

If the world would fall apart
In a fiction-worthy wind,
I wouldn't change a thing now that you're here.

Your love is a verb
Here in my room.
Here in my room.
Here in my room.
Your love is a verb
Here in my room.
Here in my room.
Here in my room.

Pink tractorbeam into your incision
Head spinning as free as Dervish's whirl
I came here expecting next to nothing
So thank you for being "that" kind of girl.

That kind of girl.
That kind of girl.
That kind of girl.
That kind of girl.
That kind of girl.
That kind of girl.
That kind of girl.
That kind of girl.
That kind of girl.
 
 
anasourousrexia
17 June 2009 @ 11:46 am
i am spiraling out of control. i am bipolar and i am definately really manic right now...worst its been in years. i drink every single night til im wasted. i really like this guy and were talking and last night i did a bad thing. i went back to this guys house who ive met a few times and we did some coke and i ended up sleeping with him. i didnt even like it. well i didnt fall asleep at all and now i work in an hr and im still high as shit. my body is so sore. i have bruises allllllll over my body. i feel like a total slut. i dont like who i am at all. i cant believe i slept with him when i am totally really into this amazing guy. i cant believe myself. i disgust myself. i dont even think this guy is cute i was just really fucked up and shit happened. im close to tears. i cut. i cant do this anymore. everytime i start to get close to someone i push them away. i either turn into a bitch around them to make them want to leave me or i do something like this. i cant take it anymore. i wish i wouldnt sabotage my relationships. its like i want to know they will stand by me through thick n thin. i have lost so many people bc of this tho and i hate it. im scared to get close to someone and then have them see the crazy in me after ive fallen for them so i guess i dont let it get to the point where they can hurt me (eventhough it still hurts always).
i dunno what to do. im scared
 
 
anasourousrexia
31 May 2009 @ 08:12 am
i kissed a boy and i liked iiiitttt!

ha we work together. this could get messy :) i love it
 
 
anasourousrexia
29 May 2009 @ 11:00 am
my hand is pretty fucked up and bruised pretty bad. thankfully everyone kind of laughed the whole situation off yesterday when i saw them. they were actually all really nice to me. i just hope they dont think of me as the crazy bitch who punches shit and slaps people lol. never again will i fast and then pound 10 drinks. never.

i keep having weird dreams. its like i cant sleep well without someone lying next to me (or if im sober) so when i do go to bed alone and sober i have dreams that im sleeping with someone. its weird and messed up. it helps sometimes but last night it kind of just made things worse. it made me more aware of the fact that i am alone.

im kind of starting to like this guy...yes a guy. so weird. not used to these feelings at all. he is really sweet and the only one who could calm me down the other night. not sure if i screwed it all up tho by acting crazy. hopefully not.
 
 
 
anasourousrexia
28 May 2009 @ 11:26 am
i dont like myself.
i burned so many bridges last night. i keep everything inside and unfortunately i let it all out last night and the people i was around were the ones i focused my anger on.
i went to a concert last night and got kicked out bc i bought my friend a beer. i was so pissed at the situation that i didnt even want to talk to my friend. i have known her for 7 yrs. i punched a window and i slapped my guy friend and i cried for hours and was just a bitch to everyone. it was  really bad. i feel awful about everything i did. i wish i wasnt such a bitch. god im an awful person.
 
 
anasourousrexia
16 May 2009 @ 07:05 pm
well my ex is ok. it wasnt anything major. she called me today. she told me her ex (who she still loves) proposed.
im bawling.
fuck my life.
i want to run away
 
 
anasourousrexia
14 May 2009 @ 06:51 pm
my ex is in the hospital. and im scared because the last person i loved died and i really dont think i could handle going through that again. plus she is the most amazing person ive ever met and i obviously dont want anything to happen to her. the only things i could find on webmd for her symptoms are cancer. she just turned twenty. so i know that its pretty much webmd's job to freak people out...but its def working. i havent talked to her since 11am and its almost 10pm now so im nervous that something happened and thats why she isnt answering my calls.

i dunno im prolly freakin out over nothing (*fingers crossed*)
 
 
anasourousrexia
28 April 2009 @ 03:15 pm
How long could you survive on your own in the wild?
hmmm well i prolly wouldnt eat anything...im not gonna eat meat and i dont know what berries are poisonous so however long u can go without food. or i would possibly kill myself to escape...as morbid as that sounds. i dont know tho. prolly the first scenario rather than the second
 
 
anasourousrexia
07 April 2009 @ 05:45 pm
i wish i could be high forver :)